Atropos
by Aislinn Carter
Summary: Chakotay has something to ask Kathryn, something that could destroy their friendship forever. J/C angsty, but then happy.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: If I owned Voyager, I wouldn't be a poor grad student. But I don't, so I am.

Atropos is the Greek name of one of the three sisters of Fate, or the Moirae. If you've seen the Disney movie Hercules (which Disney owns, not me) you'll know what I'm imagining hahaha.

I hope you all like this...I wrote it while procrastinating a 10 page paper on Humanism...bah.

I know I usually write fun and happy J/C, but here's the way I see it. This takes place in the original timeline, Admiral Janeway's timeline. Once she goes back and changes everything, as far as I'm concerned, there will be a fun and happy J/C ending. But here, there is angst. Sorry.

And I know I usually don't write one-shots or what have you, but I do this specifically for Singing Violin, who is always very supportive and gives me good constructive criticism and asked if I would write a one-shot every now and then...so here you go, especially for you!

* * *

"Come in, Chakotay. Don't look so scared." 

Chakotay shuddered at the thought of what he was about to ask her. Tentatively, he stepped into the ready room and grimaced as the doors closed behind him. "Hello, Captain. Thank you for agreeing to see me."

She quirked a smile at him as she poured herself a cup of coffee. "So formal," she said, her voice slightly stilted.

He took a deep breath. "Well, I have a formal request."

She raised an eyebrow, her eyes betraying no emotion. Inside, however, she was in utter turmoil. _No, he wouldn't,_ she thought. _He wouldn't ask that of me. He knows better._

"Go ahead, Commander."

He licked his lips, unaware of the effect that small gesture still had on her. "Captain," he began. Then he briefly closed his eyes. "Kathryn. You know I've always counted you one of my closest friends."

"And I, you." She said softly, her hand clenching tighter around her mug.

"I know you're aware of my relationship with Seven…you know it's been going on for about a year now…"

"A fact which, in this entire year's time, you failed to tell me directly," she said, her voice tinged with bitterness. "I had to find out through rumors, which I didn't believe – couldn't possibly – until I saw you two…what do they call it…_canoodling_ in the damn mess hall." Her voice rising, she continued. "Forget the fact that as my _friend, _you could have at least had the decency to inform me of an important development in your life instead of having me find out elsewhere, probably the last one to know. What concerns me more is that the two of you have been making a spectacle of yourselves all over this ship for over a year. I've kept it to myself because you're my friend, and because I care about you both, and because, quite frankly, it sickened me to think of having this conversation with you. You're a grown man, and an officer on this ship. You could find ways to act a little less juvenile."

"Juvenile?" He asked, aghast. "Why? Because I hold hands with my girlfriend while I'm eating dinner? God forbid anyone on this ship exhibit any form of intimacy or human emotion. I guess that's something you've learned to kill in yourself, Captain, but forgive me if I can't do the same."

"Is this what you came here for? To argue with me and insult me?"

He gritted his teeth. "No. I came because of I have a request. A…favor to ask."

Her white hand clenched even tighter around the mug. "Ask."

Chakotay looked down. He couldn't look into her eyes when he said this to her. He knew it would hurt her, and he knew she had only herself to blame for that, but he couldn't watch her face.

"Seven and I have decided to get married, and she insists that you be the one to marry us."

He kept his eyes down, but if he had looked up, he would have seen the momentary trembling of her lips, the unsteady rise and fall of her chest and she struggled for even breath and not sobbing breath, and the rapid blinking over her blue eyes to contain the liquid emotion which fought to make its way out. Yet, when she finally spoke and he looked up again, all he saw was Captain Janeway, cool and collected.

"That's all? Fine. Tell her to let me know when." She held up a PADD and began to peruse it. "If there isn't anything else, Commander, I really am quite busy."

He felt rage swell in his chest. He opened his mouth to berate her for her casual attitude, but then she looked up at him. One glance into her emotionless eyes told him all he needed to know. Whatever thread of tentative friendship had remained between them, it had snapped with his request. Like the Fates of ancient Greek mythology, he had taken those scissors and cut the life of their friendship. Maybe it was her fault, but he was the one who had taken this final last step, who had well and truly extinguished forever whatever had existed between them. He hadn't waited, and he knew she would find that unforgivable.

"That's all, Captain," he said, defeated. "Thank you for your time."

She watched him leave, his shoulders slightly slumped. She wanted to call him back, to shout out to him. _What do you expect me to say to this? Do you want me to beg you not to do it? _But she didn't. She remained silent, as she had for the last eight years.

Biting her lip, she rose and made her way to the window. Leaning her forehead on the cool surface, she stared out as the stars streaked by at warp.

_The End_


	2. Chapter 2

A little happy ending...it takes place at the same time as the earlier chapter, but in the new timeline after Endgame.

* * *

"Come in, Chakotay. Don't look so scared."

Chakotay shuddered at the thought of what he was about to ask her. Tentatively, he stepped into the elegant office Kathryn had been occupying for the last year or so and grimaced as the doors closed behind him. "Hello, Admiral. Thank you for agreeing to see me."

She quirked a smile at him as she poured herself a cup of coffee. "So formal," she said coyly.

He took a deep breath. "Well, I have a formal request."

She raised an eyebrow, her eyes betraying no emotion. Inside, however, she was in utter turmoil. _No, he wouldn't,_ she thought. _He wouldn't ask that of me. He knows better._

"Go ahead, Captain."

He licked his lips, unaware of the effect that small gesture still had on her. "Admiral," he began. Then he briefly closed his eyes. "Kathryn. You know I've always counted you one of my closest friends."

"And I, you." She said softly, her hand clenching tighter around her mug.

"You were aware of my relationship with Seven…you know it's been over for a year now…it never even really began…"

"A fact which you failed to tell me directly," she said, her voice tinged with sadness. "I had to find out in the worst possible way…from that bitter old hag," she rolled her eyes. "I still have a hard time believing she was me." She looked down before continuing. "I was upset, Chakotay. As my _friend, _you could have at least had the decency to inform me on an important development in your life instead of having me find out elsewhere, probably the last one to know."

"No one knew, Kathryn," he cleared his throat. "We've never really discussed this in depth."

She grinned. "Well, if you'll recall, it's been one thing after another since we came home. Holographic uprisings, Borg queens, your experiences…"she trailed off, knowing it was still a sore subject with him.

"There are other things we haven't discussed, as well."

Suddenly she looked like a startled rabbit. "Chakotay…" she began.

"I brought up Seven because I have a feeling that whole situation might be …what's that expression…the elephant in the room? It's still between us. I never should have kept it from you, and I should have tried to have the talk with you a long time ago. I apologize."

She shrugged faintly. "It's your life."

He smiled. "Is that really how you feel?"

"No," she said sheepishly. "We used to tell each other everything. I guess I came to feel…I felt like maybe our lives belonged to each other in some way, and we owed each other more than that."

"I owed you more than that. But Kathryn…I was doing it as a favor. The Doctor asked me to help her learn how to date, and it just escalated after that," he looked down in shame. "I guess I was flattered. You never looked at me that way anymore…she did. I'm a foolish old man, Kathryn."

"You're hardly old."

"I feel old," he whispered. They stared at one another for a moment before he cleared his throat again. "I came because I have a request. A…favor to ask."

Her white hand clenched even tighter around the mug. "Ask."

Chakotay looked down. He couldn't look into her eyes when he said this to her. He knew it would upset her, but it was her own fault. She had kept him on a string for far too many years. It was time to cut that thread, or strengthen it.

"Kathryn, I want to be with you. And I think, deep down, you want to be with me, too. So considering we don't serve on the same ship anymore, and considering we're nice and cozy in the Alpha Quadrant now, I'm hoping you'll find it within yourself to…re-define those parameters. Otherwise…otherwise I'll say we'll always be friends, and move on. Date other people. Try to find someone the share my life with. But I don't want to do that. I want you."

He kept his eyes down, but if he had looked up, he would have seen the momentary trembling of her lips, the unsteady rise and fall of her chest and she struggled for even breath and not sobbing breath, and the rapid blinking over her blue eyes to contain the liquid emotion which fought to make its way out. And when she finally spoke and he looked up again, that's what he saw. Admiral Janeway, just seconds away from a complete emotional breakdown.

"That's all? Fine." She said shakily. "You call that a favor? You could have asked me that at anytime. Seven isn't an issue, Chakotay. She hasn't been for a long time. Yes, I was hurt. Devastated, really. I know that on Voyager, I would have continued to shut you out and you would have married her, just like the Admiral said."

"I never would have stopped loving you," he said firmly. "And I can't believe that I was ever truly happy with her in that timeline."

She blinked. "You love me." It was a statement, not a question.

He smiled. "I thought I had made that quite clear." He took a few slow steps towards her. "I do love you. I don't think I ever stopped. I was certainly attracted to you from the very beginning, and I've definitely loved you since New Earth."

"Our home away from home," she said wryly, nervously rubbing the cup she held as he made his way closer. He stopped in front of her and curled a lock of auburn hair – which she had _finally_ started to grow long again, much to his happy surprise – around his hand.

"So, Admiral, what do you say? Can I buy you a cup of coffee?" He leaned closer, his warm breath on her ear. "Or dinner?" His other hand came up to her waist, and she felt the heat from it burn right through her uniform. "Or breakfast?"

She bit her lip as his lips danced like a breath down her cheek. "That's a little presumptuous, don't you think, Captain?"

"No, I don't think. And I'd much rather you didn't, either." He had both hands around her waist now, but he pulled back to look down at her. "You haven't said it, yet."

"Haven't said what?"

He gave her a small pout, utterly uncharacteristic of him, but utterly adorable nonetheless. "You haven't said you love me, too."

Her mouth dropped open. "And what makes you think I do?" she gasped indignantly.

He grinned. "Don't you?" His own presumption amazed him. He had been so nervous when he came in here, and now he felt like he was on top of the world. He could see it in her eyes. No matter what she said, he knew the truth.

Kathryn's heart was racing. No one had ever put her on the spot like this before, but she knew that he knew the truth, so really, what was the point anymore?

"Fine," she snapped. "I love you, too. Happy?"

"Was that so hard?" he murmured as he pulled her in for a kiss.

She allowed him that, twining her arms around his neck and running her hands through his thick hair, just as she had always wanted to do in all the secret fantasies she had, in all the daydreams she would have during slow shifts on the bridge, when he was sitting right next to her. Her body felt like it was on fire, and she had the suspicion that if they hadn't been in her office at Starfleet Headquarters, she may just have torn off both their clothes and put an end to this eight year foreplay they had been suffering through.

She pulled back form the kiss and glared at him. "Don't think this means I'll be making that breakfast you were talking about. _You_ do all the cooking."

She had never seen his eyes like this. He ran his hand along her cheek. "For as long as we both shall live?" he whispered.

She smiled tremulously. "If you can tolerate me for that long."

"I've done a pretty good job of it so far." He gave her one last kiss. "I hate to cut this short. I have a meeting with Admiral Patterson…" he glanced at the chronometer and grimaced. "Two minutes ago. What time are you done here?"

"Seventeen hundred."

He raised an eyebrow. "Early tonight, huh? Well, good." He squeezed her hand and grinned. "I'll be here to get you at seventeen hundred. Then I'm taking you to this unbelievable café I found down by the Bay. And if you're extremely lucky, you'll get a world class breakfast tomorrow morning."

She smirked as he turned to leave. "If _you're_ extremely lucky, you mean."

He felt happiness swell in his chest. He turned and opened his mouth to continue the banter, but stopped at the way she was looking at him. One glance into her sparkling eyes told him all he needed to know. Whatever thread of love had remained between them, it had strengthened with his request. He had half feared that like the Fates of ancient Greek mythology, he had taken those scissors and cut the life of their love when he had started dating Seven of Nine. Maybe it would be her fault, but he would be the one who had taken that final last step, who might have well and truly extinguished forever whatever had existed between them. He hadn't waited, and he knew she might find that unforgivable. But he had taken his chances, and the victory was far sweeter than he could have imagined.

"That's all, Admiral," he said, grinning like a fool. "Thank you for your time."

She watched him leave, his back straight and his walk resembling a swagger. She wanted to call him back, to shout out to him. _Don't act so cocky, Captain. I can always take it back,_ to tease him and kiss him again and maybe make good use of that big desk. But she didn't. She remained silent, as she had for the last eight years.

Biting her lip, she rose and made her way to the window. Leaning her forehead on the cool surface, she stared out at the Academy grounds, the brilliant sun reflecting off of the Bay in the distance, the Golden Gate Bridge gleaming in the light. She smiled. Yes, she had been silent for eight years.

But she would be silent no more.

_The End...for real!_


End file.
